A story of a brokenhearted girl and a boy (Part.2)

Her,
WHY ARE YOU NOT FEELING SORRY FOR BREAKING GIRLS HEART?!
DON'T YOU FEEL BAD FOR MAKING A GIRL GET PHOBIA OF LOVE?!
I was so lost because of you,
I was seriously torturing myself with you on my mind,
And i can't stand it.
I can't honestly.
Why are you not feeling bad? At all?
Jerk.
Douchebag.
You make me so high, and then so down to the ground too.
Making me like i was the only girl you ever wanted when the truth is, girls are surrounding you.
And you, yes you.
Giving them what they want, a smirk, a smile, a reply on your social media, maybe a nice photo of you for them.
I am so done with this.
You said to never cry, but what if my reason to cry... is you?
Are you happy?
Satisfied to see me dying inside?
Selfishly making me feel i got a hope, care for me, while you still care for a bunch of girls out there.
Who knew you could be lying, today... tommorow... or the future...
I'm heartbroken.
I need your hug.
I need your smile.
I need you to comfort me, even though you caused all of this to happen.
The least thing you need to do is to comfort me. 
Your smell that makes me really miss you.
But then again,
You miss your chance. Your true golden chance of proving yourself.
I love you.
I hate you so much.

Him,

It's raining today,

Oh god i miss her so bad.

I don't know what i did wrong this time.

Maybe i'm too selfish,

or too dumb,

or didn't take care of her well,

Should i text her?

I think not. She still mad at me. She won't talk to me.

I seriously don't know what i did wrong,

I already tell her sorry ,

but i guess it wasn't enough for her.

I don't know how to be the perfect gentleman for her, 

I probably can't

I hate making her sad and crying but i can't help it.

I always lose myself in the middle, in the end i lost her. 

I lost her bad.

I lost the girl that makes me smile, laugh a lot, that go through every part of my day.

I know its my fault.

And i know i miss my chance.

I always try to keep my promises to her, but i just couldn't remember it,

And i couldn't keep it.

I love her.

But also hate her at the same time,

when she always mad at me for not caring enough, for not telling her my feelings, for lying.

And now i regret.

For not doing that.

For not caring enough.

For not telling how much she meant the world to me.

For lying, just to get her out of my way.

For everything that made her hurt.

I don't think it'll be this bad.

I only take it as a joke, i don't think it will turn out so big.

I regret that stupid thing.

I miss your scent

The scent that i could smell from 1 meter, the scent that brings memory, the scent of your warmth.

I hate you so much.

I love you.