let me get this straight.
i am... a very easily bored person.
That's why a lot of things interest me more than other people and i am thankful for that. I don't just wanna see the world from one perspective or always be boring. I hate being boring. I hate boring people.
Instead of talking about how filthy rich your family are, talk about how your dad got to that place for the first time, how your dad worked his a$$ off to be able to be the king of his company, to be able to get you to this situation now.
Talk about how cars work, talk about how washing machine works, talks about your view on politics, talks about your view on this certain film, talks about fun fact that i didn't know happen in a business world or medical world or law world.
It's been like 3 month going to 4 month of this self quarantine in a Coronavirus pandemic situation.
I can't lie i miss going out.
Especially going to the cinema and library.
I can't focus on my work and study inside the house because all i do is becoming a cat.
You know cat.
They only sleep, eat, piss, scratch, searching for attention and then sleep again.
I've becoming one of my cats.
I actually have in no position to be blabbering around and complained like some mediocre bicth.
I got a shelter, food, family, luxury things, everything i need is here.
But i'm just letting that out of my system.
I have lost my will.
I have lost my goal.
My iman is on a low level.
I don't have the energy to edit a video,
I don't have the motivation to work on my task.
I am abandoning my responsibility while i am doing something else.
That is not the me i know, that is not the hard working individual that i know.
I am so sick of everything that i supposed to learn now, which is filmmaking.
I love watching but not making it.
I forgot how i even got to love it in the first place.
That is how bad i have lost my goal.
I keep thinking to myself "am i happy about this?" "what should i do?" "should i backed out?"
I don't know if it's because of the stress not going outside for a while or not.
I even think to myself that i don't want to be in the department that i am studying now, and maybe i willingly change that department even if it's gonna take me another 2 year to graduate.
I am that mad.
I abandon all of my responsibility, my studies that i should have work on since like 2 month ago. I basically have been ignoring it for the past 2 month.
And now i have no goals left.
So this is it huh?
This is how it feels to have no goals.
To have no dreams to pursue.
It feels empty you know. Really really empty.
I now know the feeling of it.
It shattered you, like you have no purpose anymore.
You just live to survived.
I now know the department that i choose as my major.
I actually don't love it.
I don't enjoy making it.
But i do admire the making of it, the process of it and the finished work of it.
I think it's amazing how a mind could be twisted in a subtle and such subliminal as sound.
But.i don't wanna be the woman who thinks it, who think behind it.
I just wanted to appreciate the beauty, the art of sound.
I know the reason about this case now.
But on the whole new canvas,
what do i really want?
i am... a very easily bored person.
That's why a lot of things interest me more than other people and i am thankful for that. I don't just wanna see the world from one perspective or always be boring. I hate being boring. I hate boring people.
Instead of talking about how filthy rich your family are, talk about how your dad got to that place for the first time, how your dad worked his a$$ off to be able to be the king of his company, to be able to get you to this situation now.
Talk about how cars work, talk about how washing machine works, talks about your view on politics, talks about your view on this certain film, talks about fun fact that i didn't know happen in a business world or medical world or law world.
It's been like 3 month going to 4 month of this self quarantine in a Coronavirus pandemic situation.
I can't lie i miss going out.
Especially going to the cinema and library.
I can't focus on my work and study inside the house because all i do is becoming a cat.
You know cat.
They only sleep, eat, piss, scratch, searching for attention and then sleep again.
I've becoming one of my cats.
I actually have in no position to be blabbering around and complained like some mediocre bicth.
I got a shelter, food, family, luxury things, everything i need is here.
But i'm just letting that out of my system.
I have lost my will.
I have lost my goal.
My iman is on a low level.
I don't have the energy to edit a video,
I don't have the motivation to work on my task.
I am abandoning my responsibility while i am doing something else.
That is not the me i know, that is not the hard working individual that i know.
I am so sick of everything that i supposed to learn now, which is filmmaking.
I love watching but not making it.
I forgot how i even got to love it in the first place.
That is how bad i have lost my goal.
I keep thinking to myself "am i happy about this?" "what should i do?" "should i backed out?"
I don't know if it's because of the stress not going outside for a while or not.
I even think to myself that i don't want to be in the department that i am studying now, and maybe i willingly change that department even if it's gonna take me another 2 year to graduate.
I am that mad.
I abandon all of my responsibility, my studies that i should have work on since like 2 month ago. I basically have been ignoring it for the past 2 month.
And now i have no goals left.
So this is it huh?
This is how it feels to have no goals.
To have no dreams to pursue.
It feels empty you know. Really really empty.
I now know the feeling of it.
It shattered you, like you have no purpose anymore.
You just live to survived.
I now know the department that i choose as my major.
I actually don't love it.
I don't enjoy making it.
But i do admire the making of it, the process of it and the finished work of it.
I think it's amazing how a mind could be twisted in a subtle and such subliminal as sound.
But.i don't wanna be the woman who thinks it, who think behind it.
I just wanted to appreciate the beauty, the art of sound.
I know the reason about this case now.
But on the whole new canvas,
what do i really want?
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