N . A

Someone has said "Jealous is the ugliest trait". Dan menurutku benar. Kecemburuan dapat membara hati kita, mengeluarkan sisi terburuk diri kita, melepaskan semua setan-setan itu. Maupun dari luar ataupun dr dalam diri. Kecemburuan dapat membawa malapetaka untuk diri kita sendiri atau orang lain. Cemburu pun luas bisa dengan orang lain, bisa dengan jabatan, bisa dengan perilaku, dll. Seperti aku, kita. Pasti aku ada cemburunya saat berhubungan denganmu.  Apakah itu dengan para barisan mantan pacarmu? Hmm.. mungkin Apakah itu dengan mantan gebetanmu? Kasian, mereka saja tidak jadi. Buat apa aku cemburu. Tetapi aku sangat amat cemburu terhadap teman-temanmu. Ya, teman-temanmu. Sekelompok teman-temanmu yang selalu kau diajak bermain kesana kemari dari malam sampai pagi. Kecemburuan ini yang sering menjadi perkara dihubungan kita. Sering menjadi masalah terus menerus tanpa henti. Aku awal-awal tidak mempermasalahkan tentang teman-temanmu. Karena akupun punya sahabat juga. Kami ja

I am bad, I am worse, I am ugly when it comes to rejection and abandonment.  I am trying my best but i still can't handle how to not eat myself out and let my anxious state get the best out of me. It's been real difference the more older i get, the more i forget and the more i get anxious. I thought this stop like a year ago when i really get a bad anxious and panic attack for 2 month straight.  What is Anxious Attachment? Therapist said.. when someone has a l ow self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships. It's normal to feel appreciate, valued, and feel the attention but people with anxious attachment want more than normal. It's like normal people only need 6 and people with anxious attachment need 12.  They said this issue comes from childhood, because of abandonment during early childhood. But i don't feel that way. My parents and i we're perfectly fine, they are very intuitive and caring for me, they're not aban

  Inspired by The Netflix Series titled Maid on episode 8 where they have therapy session and each of the characters need to tell their happiest day.  Well i wanna tell you mine. My happiest day are back from October 2018 where i am representing Indonesia at Nanying International Folklore Dance festival. It was my first time traveling outside the country, my first time traveling with plane without my parents, and my first time dancing representing for my country in a festival. It was a first time full with blessing and happiness. I can't stop saying gratitude and thanking my God for this opportunity because this is.. after all.. my dream. My childhood dream that i've been longing to have, traditional dancing and representing my country at international dance festival.  I still remember all the places, details vividly. I even still remember how my heartbeat so fast when i enter that airplane. I was airsick for sure, 9 hours ride wasn't easy but it was worth it. Accompany by

 "Tell me when you don't feel joy doing the things you used to love, because that's a sign" That's what my therapist said. As she said that, it finally cross to my mind and i finally realize something that i do before that now i don't. I feel joy, i feel passionate to do but now the fire has less flame than ever. I remember that i use to love learning about stuff, i love keeping myself busy. Doing any business, doing any learning to make myself useful and smarter. Even when i don't have anything to do, i try to keep myself busy like learning korean,  editing my YouTube videos, learning Digital marketing, painting, or reading a books. I scheduled my plan daily and it has to be exactly as it plans so i feel like i do a productive thing today.  But now i feel like i lost that spark. I lost that sense of myself. The one who used to be so busy to herself, thriving to become successful, thriving to become an amazing independent woman, who used to be so ambitious