Chest pain

I used to think marriage is a beautiful thing,

and then it's a complicated thing,

and now... it's a scary thing.

The fact that you're gonna be living with that person for the rest of your life is romantic yet scary.

Why is it Scary?

If your lucky, you and him will live a happy blessfull life. 

Because if you end up with the wrong man, it's gonna be hell for you.

I keep wondering every night.

Will i be loved whole heartedly by someone?

Would i be that special someone forever to a man?

Will he love me at my worst?

Will he be there for me to support me?

Will i... eventually find my home?

In terms of love, I am always a clever.. until... i fall in love.

Then i be the dumb one who is always clingy, always full of affection and hearts.

Being mad at things that usually don't get me mad,

Try to fall in love with the stuff my partner love,

Crying myself to sleep of the pain and heartache my heart couldn't take. 

With the stories that keeps thining my faith in marriage...

I often even doubt myself, do i wanna do this?

I change my perspective and my beliefs.

I know that there is no such thing as a perfect man nor a perfect husband.

But all we woman need is just a man who tries. Who takes responsibility, makes effort and gives us clarity.

So many "what ifs" on my mind. 

It even haunts me in my dream.

But i hope he, the one, will be the one who works hard for the family

Always try to make me happy,

Hug me tight during my blood moon, care me day and night when i'm pregnant,

Respect my boundaries, respect my opinions.

And he swore to never hurt a woman. 

But this is not a game.

This is not The Sims that you can pick any trait you like.

Marriage is entering yourself into someone else's life,

Sacrifying yourself to become one with another.

This is real life,

and it's scary.