When you wake up and you just want to sleep again because sleep is more nice than doing activities.
When you constantly battling yourself in your head, presuring yourself to stop blaming yourself.
Daydreaming seems enjoyable rather than talking to people.
When just picking your phone or answering someone's chat is so tiredsome and requires lots and lots of energy.
When you don't love the thing your love anymore.
When you don't enjoy what you used to enjoy.
That sudden rush of memories, self blame and anxiety that you cry in the middle of the street.
Constantly waking up feeling so tired even though you already sleep for 8 hours.
When everything goes wrong and you feel like you deserve that because you're just a useless individual.
Constantly crying in bed to help you go to sleep.
The feeling of wanting to talk about it but then not wanting to talk about it because you feel it's not important and people wouldn't understand it.
The denying of the feeling. Maybe i'm not depressed, maybe i'm just weak and sad. I shouldn't feel depressed people had a more hard time than i do.
Pushing everyone away so that i could have my space and that feel like everyone doesn't need me.
That one night where i really encourage myself to bang my head to the cement wall because i thought it will make me feel.. good (?)
Constantly damaging myself mentally by saying i'm a useless, clueless piece of shit who doesn't know anything and is very dumb.
Feeling so numb i can't even feel love anymore.
Writing about my feelings and also writing a remembarance letter. What i want people to know me for when i pass.
Constantly brainwashing myself that i'm not depressed i'm just sad and this is a phase for a moment. And this has been the second month.
Wanting to be Alive but feeling numb.
When you want to feel happy and be happy and it just be like a temporary feeling.
Oh i wish i could be more and return to my normal self again. I wish i could have the will, the confidence, cleverness, the skills of any human would have.
I even hold back a therapy session.. cuz i don't know if its necessary. If my problem is even a problem or it's just me whining?
I need to take a nap.
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