tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13823129289275816292024-03-12T21:56:45.494-07:00N . AI post a lot of my life story and something i like. I love to travel so i post a lot of place that i recommended too. I live in Jakarta, Indonesia for 24 years. This blog also have dual language, sometimes Bahasa Indonesia and sometimes English. Scroll down and see what you like! Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.comBlogger234125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-85838047491146950542024-01-07T03:47:00.000-08:002024-01-07T03:47:25.554-08:00Questions before the Forever<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QPTi5T_kGwY/maxresdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" height="225" src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QPTi5T_kGwY/maxresdefault.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://storage.googleapis.com/mb-mkt-neo-prod-1-uploads/Stephanie_Soo_wedding_f99de9ae07/Stephanie_Soo_wedding_f99de9ae07.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="447" height="293" src="https://storage.googleapis.com/mb-mkt-neo-prod-1-uploads/Stephanie_Soo_wedding_f99de9ae07/Stephanie_Soo_wedding_f99de9ae07.png" width="447" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>What is your purpose in life?</li><li>What is your 3 most priority in your life?</li><li>How would you picture yourself having a family?</li><li>What kind of family do you want?</li><li>How many children do you want?</li><li>What if i can't have a child?</li><li>Do you want a child?</li><li>What if i don't want a child?</li><li>What do you think about adopting and have you consider doing it one day?</li><li>Do you think you can look and be beside me when i'm pushing out the baby?</li><li>Have you ever heard of vasectomy?</li><li>If it for the benefit of us, would you do a vasectomy?</li><li>What do you think is a husband stitch?</li><li>What kind of a father figure you want to be?</li><li>What will you prioritize in educating your children first? (Ethics, Islamic, or Academics?)</li><li>In what school our children will go to? and why do you choose that school?</li><li>Do you think Pesantren is a good place to put our children there?</li><li>Are you the type of father that will be mad if the kids failed at their test or have C in their report card?</li><li>In Islamic aspect, what do you think a good husband should be?</li><li>In Islamic aspect, what do you think a good wife should be?</li><li>What if i don't want to stay at home and would work? So both of us be working?</li><li>What is your thoughts if i suddenly don't want to work anymore?</li><li>I'm not a very good cleaner or i'm not that neat, what do you think about that?</li><li>What method and rituals do you think we should have in our relationship as husband and wife?</li><li>How will the financial be flowing in our "small family". Will it be split half-half, or your money for me and the family all and my money is my money, or we're gonna split 80-20?</li><li>Who do you think should handle the family financial?</li><li>What method should we use to up skill our relationship so we will be a solid team, have clear understanding and communication?</li><li>Who is the couple that you look up to, or inspiration (if you have one)?</li><li>What is your idea of fun for family?</li><li>What is your idea of fun for a mom and dad relationship?</li><li>What if we had a heated argument that needs to be finish soon but our children are also whining searching for us?</li><li>What if your mom and me had a different opinions on something that is important (parenting or cleaning method) how do you resolve that and do you pick sides?</li><li>How should i behave in your big family events?</li><li>What if one of your relatives (uncle/aunt/ cousin) bossing me around the family event trying to "test" me, what will your response be like?</li><li>Where will we live? </li><li>What do you think of living with in-laws?</li><li>What do you think of living in a kos-kosan?</li><li>Do you think you can handle a long distance marriage?</li><li>What do you value the most in relationship?</li><li>How do you imagine our relationship in the next 10 years?</li></ol>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-54274863524107724032023-12-31T05:24:00.001-08:002023-12-31T05:24:56.573-08:00I finally wake up.When you wake up and you just want to sleep again because sleep is more nice than doing activities.<div><br><div>When you constantly battling yourself in your head, presuring yourself to stop blaming yourself.</div><div><br></div><div>Daydreaming seems enjoyable rather than talking to people.</div><div><br></div><div>When just picking your phone or answering someone's chat is so tiredsome and requires lots and lots of energy.</div></div><div><br></div><div>When you don't love the thing your love anymore.</div><div><br></div><div>When you don't enjoy what you used to enjoy.</div><div><br></div><div>That sudden rush of memories, self blame and anxiety that you cry in the middle of the street.</div><div><br></div><div>Constantly waking up feeling so tired even though you already sleep for 8 hours.</div><div><br></div><div>When everything goes wrong and you feel like you deserve that because you're just a useless individual. </div><div><br></div><div>Constantly crying in bed to help you go to sleep.</div><div><br></div><div>The feeling of wanting to talk about it but then not wanting to talk about it because you feel it's not important and people wouldn't understand it.</div><div><br></div><div>The denying of the feeling. Maybe i'm not depressed, maybe i'm just weak and sad. I shouldn't feel depressed people had a more hard time than i do.</div><div><br></div><div>Pushing everyone away so that i could have my space and that feel like everyone doesn't need me.</div><div><br></div><div>That one night where i really encourage myself to bang my head to the cement wall because i thought it will make me feel.. good (?)</div><div><br></div><div>Constantly damaging myself mentally by saying i'm a useless, clueless piece of shit who doesn't know anything and is very dumb.</div><div><br></div><div>Feeling so numb i can't even feel love anymore. </div><div><br></div><div>Writing about my feelings and also writing a remembarance letter. What i want people to know me for when i pass.</div><div><br></div><div>Constantly brainwashing myself that i'm not depressed i'm just sad and this is a phase for a moment. And this has been the second month.</div><div><br></div><div>Wanting to be Alive but feeling numb.</div><div><br></div><div>When you want to feel happy and be happy and it just be like a temporary feeling.</div><div><br></div><div>Oh i wish i could be more and return to my normal self again. I wish i could have the will, the confidence, cleverness, the skills of any human would have. </div><div><br></div><div>I even hold back a therapy session.. cuz i don't know if its necessary. If my problem is even a problem or it's just me whining?</div><div><br></div><div>I need to take a nap.</div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-2264652255820358422023-12-03T09:48:00.000-08:002023-12-03T09:48:48.618-08:00Late Night Dimsum and Unattended Pottery <div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.tenor.com/sf4rX512i7sAAAAM/coma-comma.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="165" data-original-width="220" height="165" src="https://media.tenor.com/sf4rX512i7sAAAAM/coma-comma.gif" width="220" /></a></div><br /><i style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i style="font-family: georgia;">“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />Last Friday, i just finished watching Hunger Games : T<span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">he Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes, shortly it's about C Snow origin villain story. In some part, i can relate to how and what makes him, HIM. It's the trust, it's the people that we love sometimes can hurt us the most in the most vile way. And in this case, my case, she might not act that vile but she definitely hurt my heart. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">It took me 2 weeks and a movie to make me finally opening up about this. No friends, even my best friends that i tell about it. This is probably the one thing that i will keep to myself because i'm afraid of what other people feel. I feel like they will not understand it, i feel they will belittle my feelings and ignore it. Thinking it was just an easy heartbreak, it was nothing, and just throw me to the ground. So rather than me having a 2 times heartbreak from the person who makes it and then the person who i intent to tell my story and hoping they would cheer me on or empathize with me but suddenly just think it's normal. I will be extremely sad. Shutting up seems like a good option. Trust is so needed, but for now the trust i have for the people i "thought" is my people is gone. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">I shut down every possibility of communications to me as i can, but of course except that one green application that i still need in order for me to get a pay check. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">Shutting down people i care was the one of things i thought i never do. But i did. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">I always just shut my self down, but not the people too. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">I guess the pain was deep. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #202124; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">____________</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818;">“The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.”</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818;">― </span><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Carroll Bryant</span></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">No this is not about a love heartbreak. But this is definitely about a relationship. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>A friendship.</b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I always thought to myself since i was 15 years old that the worse heartbreak i would get is not from love but from a friendship. Especially the friendship that i cherish the most. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And it did, bring my heart so much pain i forgot to function. A story of how i break up with my best friend.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Back when it was 4 months ago, we we're living different live. She is just starting her career and project, me with my current one. I try to make time to always checks up on her, once a month to just ask,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="authorOrTitle" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Hey how's your life now?"<br />"Are you happy?"<br />"How's the project?"<br />"Do you need anything from me?"</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">We usually begins conversation when i check up on her and then ask her to hang out together. Going to a bookstore or just chill at a good coffee shop. We had so many similar interest it's easy for us to pick a place. Not to mention so many places, stuff, experiences, and food i wanna try with her i even have a saved playlist in my Google Maps titled "Places i wanna go with .... " </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">in which, i now deleted.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">She was a precious friend i ever had and i'm very delightful that we rekindle again. I often say that i am blessed that she was my friend and how we can be so comfortable with each other. I really really really cherish her and our friendship because to be honest, it's the kind of friendship that i have longed for. A friendship that is so comfortable, pure, happy, rooting for each other growth, respect each other and just no secret to each other. She would go to places even tho it might be far from her just to go to me and i would do it myself. I just see myself in her and she treat me the way i treat my close friends, which i always need and want. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thus why, this pain is 10 times more painful, probably 10.000 times more painful than i thought it would be. Never in my life i would lose her like this. She was my best friend that i ever had but also the hammer that broke my heart. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So many things she said that night in that chat left me pondering, wondering, confused, questioning and left lonely. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"why is she talking about it just now?"<br />" she needs time, does she mean she is not that comfortable around me the way that i am?"<br />"does that mean all this time it was a one sided love? i cherish her as a best friend but she doesn't see me the same way?"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"so all this time i was just making her uncomfortable and hurt her without me knowing?"<br />"does all her promises to me even is the truth?"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"so what's the truth then?"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"am i a good or a bad friend then?"<br /><br />the sudden cut of communications, </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">the you who didn't even bother to reply to my messages for 4 months even though i know you were online and still uploading pictures on your story,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">the me who left confused to what happen to our clear communications and did i do something so bad that made you like this?,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">the me who pin down and think so carefully of everything i did to you that probably make you upset,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">the you who knows most of my secret, including the one where i said silent treatment hurts me most,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">but you who did it to me.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">the you who came up with explanations after me saying "thank you."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">and the me who finally had a closure of what's going on with us after these month but broke down when reading your message.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I admitted i was also at fault. I was clueless in some part, i thought it was okay, i thought you were okay with it because you never told me anything too, i know that in our relationship you are very vocal with your feelings because we were that comfortable so when you don't like it you said it to me, but that night you didn't and i thought it was okay. But here you are bringing it again after 4 months making me confused.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I appreciate the honesty and the feedback you gave to me. I really do. I love a clear communication relationship and i feel that our relationship are at that level where we could be so honest to each other. That chat gave me a closure that even though i feel comfortable with you, i shouldn't because you don't feel that comfortable to me that well. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But the cherry on top was when you said that <b><i>i only came to you when i need you </i></b>(a.ka when i'm lonely or just in a bad times)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That 1 sentence, 11 words got me crumbling to my knees. Everything i thought i had, everything i thought i trust just crumble. My value in friendship? Shattered. It may seems like a dumb sentence to someone, or somebody who's gonna read this post gonna think "she really be sad over a sentence like that?" but yeah, i am, i do feel sad about it. Someones gonna think that i am "playing victim" or i'm too "selfish". But this is what i feel and i get to feel what i feel.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The fact that she even thought about that just makes me boil but sad. She has been there for me a lot of time and i try also to be there for her all the time. I don't know is it because i'm more vocal or just an adventurer but in the friendship, i am most of the time are the asker, the inviter, and she is the joiner. So every single chance of her getting me into something or asking me to just even accompany her to a supermarket i would gladly and happily take the offer. Cherish all the times she need me the most.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">So that one sentence for me is the hammer in my glass. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Like i said and i will said it for a lot of times, i cherish her and this friendship so much. Her happiness is my happiness, her sadness is my sadness. But i guess it was just all in my head. It was a one sided friendship love. She doesn't see it the way i see it. Maybe i'm the delusional one.<b> <i>But i do feel like i was betrayed. </i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Positive notes, thanks to this, i can know recognize how to know when i'm in distress or stress because before i don't know how to spot when i am being stressful, i thought it was just a one/two day sadness.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The symptom include:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">1. Chapped lips (i never had chapped lips, but when i do, that means i'm so stressed)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">2. Constant crying for more than 2 days</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">3. Most of the time feeling dazed and emotionless</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">4. Constant sleepiness feeling</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">5. Change of patterns (the things that i used to enjoy doesn't gave me enjoyment anymore)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">______________________</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Social media disabled, </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">WhatsApp restricted,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Daze constantly,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Work stress,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Credibility being questioned,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Self blame gained, </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">These past 2 weeks has got to be the most emotionless and sadness i ever been after Revi past away. Even my past love break up with my first love didn't top this. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Just the feeling of the trust that was broken, the value that i hold on so much it was shattered, and the trauma that comes back again is haunting me. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Cause this is not the first time i experience this, my ex best friend in high school also did the same, even worse. We were laughing and chatting in a one fine afternoon after school and then the next day she ghosted me in class, didn't even said a word, make up a fake rumour about myself that made everyone hate me for the past 1 years. I call that year, a constant hell. But thank Allah SWT i am strong, thanks to Allah SWT i still have the strength to cheer myself up even though i'm alone those one hell year, i thank myself so much i didn't consider to end myself or cut myself. Just a pounding head on the wall is enough.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">3 years after that i just know the reason she did that is because the boy she like <b>used </b>to like me. </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Absurd. Obsessively absurd.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia;">Best friend - Sudden cut of communication - Againts me </span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It happening again now, with the person i least expected. The trauma coming back again now. I don't know who i should trust now. I even rethink my choices of the "best friend" i had now. Cross of some name or names. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">And the fact that she (the one who broke my heart just now) has done this once and i'm not gonna be here again to experience the third time, that's enough.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">______________________</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>“It hurts to leave a light on for nobody.” - Graham Foust</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.tenor.com/6VuCRvP5aXkAAAAC/burning-a-letter-unhappy-girl.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="252" data-original-width="498" height="252" src="https://media.tenor.com/6VuCRvP5aXkAAAAC/burning-a-letter-unhappy-girl.gif" width="498" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hey you,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">remember the promise that we would write off a letter to one another every month? So we know each other recent update? We haven't exchanged letter since August of 2023. But i guess you won't be needing my letter now. I didn't now that this break up took a toll on me as hard as it did, to the point i rethink my life and my value in life. Is what i'm doing good? or i'm just a nuisance to other? I guess the feeling of betrayal does something black to the heart hurt by it huh?</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Sorry that i seem off or unlike myself the one that you said to me. I'm sorry if i am so clueless all this time. I'm sorry if i hurt you and made you uncomfortable in anyway. I'm sorry that i am too comfortable to you but didn't think of your feelings to me because it seems that we didn't feel both ways to each other. I'm sorry for all the trouble i put you through.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I cherish all the time we spent together, all the karaoke session, the tears the laugh, the happiness just to be there for you. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm still trying to bring myself back up and i'm happy that it turns out people are searching for me. I thought i am useless piece of shit, but i guess people still looking for me and i'm happy. It will took me a while to continue to smile like i did before. To bring trust again in people and the friends that i have now but i will try to not give up on myself. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I hope you never had to ghosted or silent treatment you friend again and i hope you will meet your new best friend who you will feel comfortable match with.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Good luck on your life and career.</span></div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-17745791764723232102023-11-06T10:48:00.000-08:002023-11-06T10:48:01.901-08:00the leaf and the aster.<p> Tonight, i just went to my friend first ever movie premiere. This is his first big screen debut with horror movies that played by one of popular actor and actresses. Seeing him on stage presenting his work and thanking each one of the people who play an important part of getting him there make me all so happy. </p><p>I was giddy the whole time. I even prepare a small flower bucket for him and a little note, just a little gift to support him. He presented his speech very careful and nervously which is so funny to look at because he is usually always a confident guy. Something in me felt something, it's like i see him in a new light that i never knew before. </p><p>I would always shout his name, clap my hand the hardest, just giving my outmost cheer to him. I'm so so proud of him. Really.</p><p>To be honest, i didn't watch his movie fully focused. I try to get myself distracted because... it's horror... and i can't watch horror. So i watch the non horror scene and then go back to looking at the exit light when the horror scene came. </p><p>After the film ends, my first reaction was to clap at the movie, at him, at all the cast. They did a good job. And then suddenly it hits me... memory of ours, memory of the late night talk at that chicken place where he said he wants to be known, he wants everyone to see his hardwork, and how he tells that he got a chance from a production house that he's currently having an internship. Hearing the news makes me burst crying... cuz i'm so happy for him. I'm so happy for him that i couldn't contain my excitement and tears.</p><p>And then it happen again. </p><p>When the movie ends i choked up a bit, because in my mind it's all flashback. A flashback to our moments, the silly and serious things it made me realize that we've done a lot and we've been together a lot. </p><p>Our friends are of course excited to see you and congratulate you. You deserve it, everyone should know your piece. Including me, i'm excited that i can see you again and even seeing you in your first ever movie premiere. That is so fun.</p><p>On the way home, i finally cannot hold my emotions anymore as i burst out crying at the road going home... I feel... a lot of things. I feel happiness, i feel proud, more overproud, i feel giddy. I burst out crying while remember the times. It suddenly strikes me that i've done this. Feeling overproud to you until i cry and it happen again this time since i won't stop crying..</p><p>Even until today, where i just came back from the premiere, still in my outdoor clothes wearing a full day makeup i am still crying. </p><p>I am just so so so so proud of you. I am so so so proud of my friend. Seeing your milestone, every step of the way makes me more emotional than i normally am. </p><p>Makes me question myself on why i don't want it.</p><p>But i guess... the only expectation is because....</p><p>Because of you.</p><p>I guess the main and big reason is you. Because i cannot bear the fact we're gonna be a stranger and i'm gonna break your heart again and again if we broke up. Because i'm still not ready to go deep with you since i'm still curious about my own feeling and even i still don't know what i want. </p><p>And i don't want you to be my victim. I don't want to add another heartbreak to you. So for me, the best solution is not to be together. Cuz you are so precious to me that i cannot do that to you.</p><p>But i always do believe that.. if we are meant to be together in the future, then we will be together in the future. That is my answer to you right now</p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-13687798854194512452023-09-10T22:35:00.007-07:002023-09-10T22:37:47.165-07:00To be love or love?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://i0.wp.com/codemyui.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/imessage-typing-indicator-in-css.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="800" height="160" src="https://i0.wp.com/codemyui.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/imessage-typing-indicator-in-css.gif" width="320" /></a></div>It's been an hour since i text and yet i haven't click send. Or didn't dare to click it.<p></p><p>What possible thing that could've gone wrong to be love by someone so dearly? Someone who love me for who i am all these years and he hasn't even forget me. He said it's been 5 years which i kinda doubt it. But his love for me was put into all his art which now creates a great masterpiece, views, and even developing him to become Indonesia top director. As i said to him about 4 years ago "hope the heartbreak moment i gave you will become your inspiration one day" and it did. Even tho it's probably not the most proudest thing i can gave someone, a trauma.</p><p>He's everything that i need. Love me unconditionally, already steady with the wealth that he has continue working hard for, a hard working man, a family man, and religiously praying. What could i ask for more? What possible thing that i still need to search in a man? Is personality not enough to be my man? </p><p>I want this right? I want this. To be loved so much because all this time i felt that i was always the one who love someone so hard to the point i would do anything for them. There he is standing, a man who's willing to do so much for me, i just need to hold him by his hand and yet i stop my walk and just stared at him. </p><p>I mean i never know him personally as a lovers, we were friends our whole relationship. And in my eyes i never picture us as a couple together so when that confession broke up i don't know what else to say but to thank him. </p><p>The film series he made based on our true story, the confession he often tells our friends that he adores me, even the look on his eyes when he stares at me. It's all love and nothing but love from him. Unfortunately and confusingly i still see him as a friend. </p><p>At one point i was truly harsh at myself even confronted myself on how the hell am i not picking up? how the hell do i not share the same love as he did to me? how the hell do i not feel the same way after all this time? I was about to think that i am not normal. Something is abnormal.</p><p>Because all and what he does was like coming out of k-drama when i really want that to happen in real life. But when it happened... i did not pick the same choice the main character should choose. If this was k-drama everyone would've booed the main character and the ratings would drop as it not goes as happy as they wanted.</p><p>Even some of his friends who listen to his side of the story said i was like Summer in 500 days of summer. I was the annoying female character who keeps on flirting with him, gave him expectation, and then left him unwanted. It was definitely cruel and not something i intended to do but he had it the worse so i'm just letting all of that.</p><p>For the past 5 years he said that he like me but i never feel that sense of getting-ness of relationship or we call it in Indonesia <i>"pdkt"</i> and i have told him that too last year and then last week. But i guess he finally snap and said i'm gonna try to approach her more seriously. But unfortunately.. it was the wrong time for me. </p><p>Hence if this has been done 6 months ago, i would've treated it differently. Right now, i feel weird i feel like i'm not ready, i feel like it was not the right time. It's like i'm having a second puberty, i wanna explore so much of these world. I know that dating him wouldn't string me to death nor he would be so possessive over me but i don't know why i feel hesitate. </p><p>I know that if i do were to date him, we would've been married in about 2 to 1 years. <b>He was ready to give the ring and the world for me.</b> While i... still hesitate.</p><p>I know that i wanna date, i know that i wanna have a boyfriend, but also i want to explore the world more deeply, see more people, cultures, and experience a lot of stuff which i can also do it with him but why did i hesitate? I feel like it's gonna be the end of my exploring experience when it's not. I could also explore with him, go to Japan or go to United States. I can do whatever i want and he willingly would enjoy it also but yet why did i not pick that easy choice?</p><p>I don't know. I don't know what i've done wrong, i don't know if my heart is at fault here. I really don't know. It's all too complicated to process even i ask my friend to help me. Because i just... i don't know how to deal with this. It's just a simple thing and task.<i><b> I just need to be in love with him</b></i></p><p>But why couldn't i feel it? </p><p>Am i abnormal?</p><p>Am i stupid?</p><p>What could be the thing that is holding me back?</p><p>Now it's been 4 hours since i type that one paragraph and still i couldn't have the bravery to press send.</p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-24544402173039622082022-12-27T08:36:00.001-08:002022-12-27T16:47:28.863-08:00i am looking for this person<div><i>#np Lauv ft. BTS - Who</i></div><div><br></div>I have a lot to say to my ex.<div>I have a lot of apology to apologize to my ex.</div><div>I have a lot of complain to complain to my ex.</div><div>I have a lot to thank for to my ex.</div><div><br></div><div>But.. is he the person?</div><div>He seems... very different...</div><div>It seems like he is another person...</div><div><br></div><div>With the new tattoos all over his body, with the new environment, colder response, more contrast side of mind, and new friends who now heavily influenced him...</div><div><br></div><div>I am searching for the man who is my ex. Who is my first love.</div><div>But.. Who is he..?</div><div><b>It's like he's not the one i fell in love with.</b></div><div><br></div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-79750149093302417702022-11-08T23:40:00.001-08:002022-11-08T23:40:10.691-08:00How Could You<p>I feel like i'm the only who's crazy.</p><p>I never felt this way especially just because of a man, just because of love. </p><p>But you did it to me. </p><p>And then you left it. Like my craziness didn't mean anything. </p><p>Like it's nothing.</p><p>Not even a single sympathy coming from you.</p><p>I forgot... that's the one thing you lack.</p><p>Even though I am stranded on a highway you probably just say "oh no" and proceed to do nothing.</p><p>And you're still able to put the blame on me. </p><p>Still not feeling guilty or even just a little bit of sympathy.</p><p>And then you ask me why I'm feeling this way? You don't realize or you don't want to realize?</p><p>How could you?</p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-73277118722209773392022-11-07T08:46:00.006-08:002022-11-07T08:46:36.601-08:00in another life, i would be your girl.<p> I choose you again,</p><p>and in the end, I have to let you go again.</p><p><br /></p><p>but in my deepest heart, I still have a glimpse of hope in me. In another life, without any restrictions or doubts. In another life, we would be together forever. </p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-26895371575742544992022-06-28T03:44:00.001-07:002022-06-28T03:44:31.076-07:00i'm always wronged.You smile and laugh to people even with stranger.<div>But you frown and mad when you look back at me.</div><div><br></div><div>And now your asking me why am i mad and sad at you?</div><div><br></div><div>Unbelieveable.</div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-48441798659580894912022-06-27T06:51:00.002-07:002022-06-27T07:07:01.331-07:00I just finish the second book.<p> <br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/5a3f17899a7429de5f9ebff112d99d39/tumblr_inline_oyvey4o54a1rxppp7_540.gifv" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="518" height="165" src="https://64.media.tumblr.com/5a3f17899a7429de5f9ebff112d99d39/tumblr_inline_oyvey4o54a1rxppp7_540.gifv" width="293" /></a></div>Have you read a sequel book but it has the same ending as the first book? <p></p><p>Because I did. </p><p>At first, I really don't want to write it or read it. </p><p>But my heart said so, and I will just follow what my heart wants without a care in the world.</p><p>I thought it's gonna be different. I expect more, I expect a lot, I got too greedy. I thought the two main characters have something, and finally will have a good ending. A happy fairytale. </p><p>But I expect a lot, way way a lot. I got excited for no reason. Pray hard for the thing that is out of my hand. Loving someone so hard that it hurts myself over and over again.</p><p>And when I finish the book.<i><b> It's the same ending. </b></i></p><p>I want to throw the book away as possible. Be it on a river, falling from a cliff, crash and burn on a warehouse. </p><p>But I can't. Because it's too much.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://0.soompi.io/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/12170159/iu.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="389" data-original-width="498" height="284" src="https://0.soompi.io/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/12170159/iu.gif" width="363" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqJfhp3WFvbWjorAqieUSbUDoXBHD6owhxk-BkKmue7kMjU8w8KfB-E6l4aNZlckR3yE1L0me4tedmhuSafRaYcC-jXjRDmVoRWo2VF_fwBaQPQ8Z5cUMQVqodkT_05Y4wRd6vrJcmSLsmIRdxLDQEQBlyF852Vt4jYWE9Pqo_w0NeGYd6RGMhD3VI/s1280/o8fd0195ebf3a74b9225cdf689f6ee590_32257559_220627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1280" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqJfhp3WFvbWjorAqieUSbUDoXBHD6owhxk-BkKmue7kMjU8w8KfB-E6l4aNZlckR3yE1L0me4tedmhuSafRaYcC-jXjRDmVoRWo2VF_fwBaQPQ8Z5cUMQVqodkT_05Y4wRd6vrJcmSLsmIRdxLDQEQBlyF852Vt4jYWE9Pqo_w0NeGYd6RGMhD3VI/w118-h118/o8fd0195ebf3a74b9225cdf689f6ee590_32257559_220627.jpg" width="118" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUbasps_9jt_t3eTQ4Bq6QiOWTABD15MWLQYp0GlxVz56gjbkpUpLzMiMayARfLQM_yT5h37e3Ad3j0OPHzgRjbEytkiEECku_ZkZ4Vf6CDkJAznvPfu_F9uWNFTEcJIf6wZty991_204zWqW0JEvHrqiVmaGS4kVhLl2DuWaFb9uA8WWMEglN-UR9/s1280/o8fd0195ebf3a74b9225cdf689f6ee590_33156779_220627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1280" height="116" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUbasps_9jt_t3eTQ4Bq6QiOWTABD15MWLQYp0GlxVz56gjbkpUpLzMiMayARfLQM_yT5h37e3Ad3j0OPHzgRjbEytkiEECku_ZkZ4Vf6CDkJAznvPfu_F9uWNFTEcJIf6wZty991_204zWqW0JEvHrqiVmaGS4kVhLl2DuWaFb9uA8WWMEglN-UR9/w116-h116/o8fd0195ebf3a74b9225cdf689f6ee590_33156779_220627.jpg" width="116" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-7605073715227175332022-06-23T23:15:00.006-07:002022-06-23T23:15:46.904-07:00I don't have anymore love to give.<p> 0%</p><p>It drains me.</p><p>Your energy drains me.</p><p>Your sadness, and depression drains me.</p><p>Even when I try my best to be supportive, cheerful, and still happy around you to make you feel better.</p><p>It drains me.</p><p>I got none more. Even for me.</p><p>0%</p><p><br /></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-85449449700856159362022-06-23T11:00:00.001-07:002022-06-27T06:41:07.752-07:00pertanyaannya?<p>Seharusnya pertanyaan yang kau lontarkan bukanlah "Kenapa kamu jadi marah sama aku?"</p><p>Tapi kamu harusnya yang berpikir, bertanya kepada dirimu sendiri "Kenapa dia jadi marah sama aku? Salahku dimana sampai dia marah seperti ini."</p><p><br /></p><p>Kamu selalu bilang "Wuv u" setiap malam, tetapi akhir-akhir ini aku sama sekali tidak merasakan cinta darimu. Apakah kalimat love you sekarang tidak ada artinya? Apa cuma formalitas saja? <b>Mengapa aku tidak merasa dicintai.</b></p><p><br /></p><p>Aku capek. Lelah.</p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-60757749658796590952022-05-28T09:00:00.026-07:002022-06-27T06:59:53.382-07:00Do you have some candy? Because I have no energy.<p>Do you want to know my everyday routine for the past 3 weeks. </p><p>- Wake up<br />- Preparing to go to office<br />- Work<br />- Lunch<br />- Work<br />- Go home<br />- Take a shower<br />- Cry<br />- Force myself to go to sleep.</p><p> I would be grateful if I'm lying. But I'm not. Nobody noticed, nobody gives a shit, and only my cat makes me smile. My 5 sec of happiness is my cat. That's it. </p><p>Even I am already tired of this sadness. Tired of myself. So many days I cry, I have an idea to took a picture every time I cry, every. single. day. </p><p>It's so pathetic.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://monophy.com/media/UZahStrliNsdO/monophy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="500" height="257" src="https://monophy.com/media/UZahStrliNsdO/monophy.gif" width="214" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-27623745591840522952022-01-04T11:28:00.004-08:002022-01-04T11:28:24.250-08:00Chest pain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/79/79/1895066308-movie-love-quotes-3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="498" height="215" src="https://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/79/79/1895066308-movie-love-quotes-3.gif" width="381" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://wwwcache.wralsportsfan.com/asset/voices/2017/02/27/16555045/it_isn_t_fair-uid14882163777374-376x270.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="376" height="270" src="https://wwwcache.wralsportsfan.com/asset/voices/2017/02/27/16555045/it_isn_t_fair-uid14882163777374-376x270.gif" width="376" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>I used to think marriage is a beautiful thing,</p><p>and then it's a complicated thing,</p><p>and now... it's a scary thing.</p><p>The fact that you're gonna be living with that person for the rest of your life is romantic yet scary.</p><p>Why is it Scary?</p><p>If your lucky, you and him will live a happy blessfull life. </p><p>Because if you end up with the wrong man, it's gonna be hell for you.</p><p><br /></p><p>I keep wondering every night.</p><p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ComfortableRewardingGreendarnerdragonfly-size_restricted.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="500" height="202" src="https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ComfortableRewardingGreendarnerdragonfly-size_restricted.gif" width="361" /></a></i></div><i>Will i be loved whole heartedly by someone?</i><p></p><p><i>Would i be that special someone forever to a man?</i></p><p><i>Will he love me at my worst?</i></p><p><i>Will he be there for me to support me?</i></p><p><i>Will i... eventually find my home?</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><br /></p><p>In terms of love, I am always a clever.. until... i fall in love.</p><p>Then i be the dumb one who is always clingy, always full of affection and hearts.</p><p>Being mad at things that usually don't get me mad,</p><p>Try to fall in love with the stuff my partner love,</p><p>Crying myself to sleep of the pain and heartache my heart couldn't take. </p><p><br /></p><p>With the stories that keeps thining my faith in marriage...</p><p>I often even doubt myself, <i>do i wanna do this?</i></p><p>I change my perspective and my beliefs.</p><p>I know that there is no such thing as a perfect man nor a perfect husband.</p><p>But all we woman need is just a man who tries. Who takes responsibility, makes effort and gives us clarity.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/8457e0f546ffaad4ebbd1715f6450447/tumblr_mthjtd00X61rbv0tfo1_500.gifv" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="263" data-original-width="500" height="263" src="https://64.media.tumblr.com/8457e0f546ffaad4ebbd1715f6450447/tumblr_mthjtd00X61rbv0tfo1_500.gifv" width="500" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>So many "what ifs" on my mind. </p><p>It even haunts me in my dream.</p><p>But i hope he, the one, will be the one who works hard for the family</p><p>Always try to make me happy,</p><p>Hug me tight during my blood moon, care me day and night when i'm pregnant,</p><p>Respect my boundaries, respect my opinions.</p><p>And he swore to never hurt a woman. </p><p>But this is not a game.</p><p>This is not The Sims that you can pick any trait you like.</p><p>Marriage is entering yourself into someone else's life,</p><p>Sacrifying yourself to become one with another.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>This is real life,</b></p><p><b>and it's scary.</b></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-74318959140024636082021-12-16T05:45:00.003-08:002021-12-16T05:57:15.302-08:00 왜 왜 왜?<p><b><i><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">If I knew it was our last, I would have<br /></span></i></b><b><i><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Kept you in my eyes<br /></span></i></b><b><i><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">I’ve never not loved you<br /></span></i></b><b><i><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">From the beginning and even until now</span></i></b></p><p><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Lately i've been re-loving and repeating the song Why Why Why by Ikon.<br />It's so deep in the lyrics and so relatable to me.<br />A beautiful yet sad songs and it hits too close to home. <br />It's like someone was singing this to me, sincerely.<br /><br />At least this soothe my pain for a while. Drowning in those beautiful lyrics that makes my heart ache. <br />How could you let go of this beautiful flower?<br />Myself.</span></p><p><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></p><p>-</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://c.tenor.com/TvTHKhDQpP8AAAAC/ikon-wyd.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="219" data-original-width="498" height="219" src="https://c.tenor.com/TvTHKhDQpP8AAAAC/ikon-wyd.gif" width="498" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">In fact it still seems like a lie<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Like you’d come back with a great big smile<br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Beautiful as you were</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #222222; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 26px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Only now I feel regret<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />All I did was to make your beautiful smiling face covered in tears<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />This isn’t what I wanted</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #222222; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 26px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Eventually ending up in this position, coming to this, I’m the one who messed it up<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Couldn’t even protect a flower like you<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />All the flashing sparks in our relationship<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Have turned into white ashes</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #222222; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 26px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">From just anybody to my love<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />From fate to lovers<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Blossomed a beautiful love flower</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #222222; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 26px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Why has laughter turned into tears<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Once mine now a stranger<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Thought we’d be together forever without any breakup<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Us why why why</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #222222; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 26px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">You’re moving far away even in my dreams<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />I can’t do anything<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Shouting out to try and stop you<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />But you disappear when I open my eyes<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />I had to treat you well when you were here<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Didn’t I know that before<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />Why is it now that I’ve lost everything<br style="box-sizing: inherit;" />I learn how precious you were</span></p><div class="google-auto-placed ap_container" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; clear: both; color: #222222; font-size: 16px; height: auto; text-align: center; width: 750px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://c.tenor.com/V863RdzY4rsAAAAC/ikon-wyd.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="234" data-original-width="498" height="234" src="https://c.tenor.com/V863RdzY4rsAAAAC/ikon-wyd.gif" width="498" /></a></div><br /><ins class="adsbygoogle adsbygoogle-noablate" data-ad-client="ca-pub-4366548556783670" data-ad-format="auto" data-ad-status="filled" data-adsbygoogle-status="done" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; display: block; height: 280px; margin: auto;"><ins aria-label="Advertisement" id="aswift_1_expand" style="background-color: transparent; border: none; box-sizing: inherit; display: inline-table; height: 280px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 750px;" tabindex="0" title="Advertisement"></ins></ins></div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-983715761990943272021-12-06T08:45:00.079-08:002021-12-09T17:37:30.286-08:00Where are you<p><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love you even when you we're sick,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love you when you are happy</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I love you </span>even when you we're sad</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love you even when i'm mad</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I love you </span>even when you are upset</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I love you </span>even when you're tired</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love you when you are excited</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">So don't come ask me how much do i love you, how much do i sacrifice for you. I love every version of you. You're the only person in my life who i ever love this much. Only you.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I even love you more than i love myself.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><u>I gave you my all. Literally my all.</u></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">My time, my affection, my dignity, my ego, my priority, my money, myself. But it seems like it we're never enough. No matter what i do, i always look bad on you. And you will be mad and sad for the things that i don't know or the things that is out of my control. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">When i try to act like what you did, you got furious and mad so bad. But when you do it, you expect me to accept your apologize and move on? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">You think it's that easy? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">It's like i can't even have my own feeling, i can't even feel things. I can't get sad or mad,</span> i can't get upset or disapointed, i can't be mad at him, i can't do the things he did to me that hurt me the most. It's always okay for him but big NO for me. It's like i need to be a robot.</p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">So let me ask you,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Where are you?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">When i needed you the most. When i'm having a hard time, when i'm crying, when i'm in a badmood. Do you think you could expect me to always be the one who chase after you? The one who always apologize even when i'm not wrong. The one who always comes to you, sacrificing herself just so she could see you and cheer you up?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I keep being patience and try everything to make this relationship works. Even when you said "i think we need to break up" a couple times.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">No.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">For me, you are precious.<br>You are what i wanted.<br>And because i love you, i want to keep you, fight for you, protect you.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Even before we finally got back in after 5 years, i always told myself "I don't wanna lose you twice."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">But it's hard when you're the one who fights</span> alone. </p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">And when you don't even chase me after a bad storm, got me thinking "am i worth it to him?" "is he afraid of losing me?" "why is he so calm after having a fight with me?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I feel so worthless.<br>I feel like you don't love me enough to keep me. I feel like i'm not important for you.</span></p><p><font face="georgia">You don't even try to maintain and fight for this relationship. You are very laidback and doesn't even call me.</font></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i><b>am i even important to you?</b></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I never look at you through money, fame, and everything that is.<br>I love you, because you are YOU.<br>If i love you because of money, i would never get back with you in the first place. Or i would never leave you now that you got a big pay job.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I wanna be there for you, like i said few months back, i will be your number one supporter at finding a job. I even help you to try finding job. I always try to be your moodbooster even when i'm on my lowest down selves. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">But now, even when i'm on my last string you didn't try to contact me or ask me how i feel. You expect me to always be the one, but you said it yourself "don't expect from me". So i will not expect from you again.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><br></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I love you, and my feelings never changes since the day i backhug you in front of my friends. <b><i>But you gave up on me. You gave up on US</i>. You gave up on this relationship. </b>Because if you do love me, if you really meant what you said earlier in the relationship. No matter how tired it is, you will still fight for it. Men will change for the woman they love.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>So do you really love me?</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">If you ever still question my love for you,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I try to become friends with every single family member you got. Try to understand you and your friends more so i could talk and be there with them too. I even visit your Grandma more often then my own.<br>I already building an maintaining relationship because my main goal is to be able to get married with you. So i need to win your family heart by it. And i'm doing it now.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">But it's hard when your fighting alone, with the person who never realize what he has done to break someone's daughter heart. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><br></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>I want to fight for you.<br>Aku mau memperjuangkan kamu Mas.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tapi buat apa aku perjuangin kalau org yg ingin aku perjuangin tidak memperjuangkan aku juga. Not trying to fix this relationship.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Serasa aku tuh ga guna di hubungan ini. Dan jadi banyak pertanyaan di kepalaku... "Apakah dia beneran seneng ya sm aku?'<br></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Now, i'm already tired being the victim. Already tired of apologizing first, and need to go to your house first everytime we have a fight.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I swear you will never find a better woman than i am.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">and i think,<br></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">after all this time, <br></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">and forever,<br></span><i style="font-family: georgia;">we are never gonna get over each other.</i></p><p><i style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div><br></i></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-2909327201319619172021-11-25T15:08:00.000-08:002021-12-09T08:49:13.733-08:00Jealous<i>Someone has said "Jealous is the ugliest trait".</i><div><br></div><div> Dan menurutku benar. Kecemburuan dapat membara hati kita, mengeluarkan sisi terburuk diri kita, melepaskan semua setan-setan itu. Maupun dari luar ataupun dr dalam diri.</div><div><br></div><div>Kecemburuan dapat membawa malapetaka untuk diri kita sendiri atau orang lain. Cemburu pun luas bisa dengan orang lain, bisa dengan jabatan, bisa dengan perilaku, dll.</div><div><br></div><div>Seperti aku, kita. Pasti aku ada cemburunya saat berhubungan denganmu. </div><div>Apakah itu dengan para barisan mantan pacarmu? Hmm.. mungkin</div><div>Apakah itu dengan mantan gebetanmu? Kasian, mereka saja tidak jadi. Buat apa aku cemburu.</div><div><br></div><div>Tetapi aku sangat amat cemburu terhadap teman-temanmu.</div><div><br></div><div>Ya, teman-temanmu.</div><div>Sekelompok teman-temanmu yang selalu kau diajak bermain kesana kemari dari malam sampai pagi.</div><div><br></div><div>Kecemburuan ini yang sering menjadi perkara dihubungan kita. Sering menjadi masalah terus menerus tanpa henti.</div><div><br></div><div>Aku awal-awal tidak mempermasalahkan tentang teman-temanmu. Karena akupun punya sahabat juga. Kami jarang bermain, ya mungkin hanya sebulan 2 kali saja.</div><div><br></div><div>Aku juga tidak pernah membuat sebuah pertanyaan keras kepadamu untuk memilih antara teman temanmu atau aku.</div><div><br></div><div>Aku senang kamu memiliki teman-teman baik yang kamu benar benar nyaman memilikinya, dan merasa bahwa itu sahabat karib-mu.</div><div><br></div><div>Tetapi... perlakuanmu saat kamu bersama teman-temanmu yang aku tak suka...</div><div><br></div><div>Kamu sudah benar, melakukan hal yang sudah semestinya dan seharusnya. Mengabari pasangannya kemana ia pergi dan bersama siapa. Menghindari permasalahan dan kesalahpahaman. </div><div><br></div><div>Namun aku sungguh cemburu kepada mereka...</div><div>Engkau hadir kapanpun mereka butuh bercerita, pagi, siang, malam. </div><div>Disaat kamu bersama mereka, aku merasa seperti hilang.</div><div>Tidak diperhatikkan.</div><div>Setiap kali mereka telepon, engkau selalu mengangkatnya dengan gembira. Tetapi jika ku telpon... engkau selalu decline atau di-silent.</div><div>Pergi ke IKEA... padahal kau tau ku sangat menginginkan kesana bersamamu. Bahkan ku tolak beberapa ajakan teman-temanku agar kita bisa kesana berdua dulu.</div><div>Mereka sangat penting, sampai kamu mau meluangkan dan menyiakan waktu untuk dirimu sendiri untuk mereka.</div><div>Apabila salah satu dari mereka sedih, galau, butuh teman. Kamu selalu langsung pergi menemuinya. </div><div><br></div><div>Aku bertanya-tanya, bagaimana rasanya di treat seperti itu oleh mu. Sungguh aku cemburu.</div><div><br></div><div>Aku bahkan tidak tahu apakah teman-temanmu menyukaiku atau tidak. Apakah mereka lebih prefer mantan kamu? Atau aku?</div><div>Mereka pun sepertinya tidak mencoba untuk mengenali ku lebih dalam, karena setiap kami bertemu, jika bukan aku yang bertanya duluan. Mereka tidak akan berbicara kepadaku.</div><div><br></div><div>Kamu selalu bilang kamu tidak bisa memilih antara aku dan teman-temanmu. </div><div>Kamu juga merasa kamu biasa saja disaat bersama mereka,</div><div>Lantas mengapa aksimu berkata lain?</div><div><br></div><div>Sungguh,</div><div>Dulu aku ingin selalu berkenalan dan dekat dengan mereka. Sehingga jika kamu bermain bersama mereka aku bisa ikut. Aku bisa kenal teman-teman dari orang yang aku cintai. Dengan harapan aku bisa mempelajari dirimu lebih dalam juga dari mereka.</div><div><br></div><div>Tetapi usahaku terus tergerus dan aku sudah mulai letih. Semangatku sudah tidak sama dengan awal akibat dari hasil yang sudah-sudah. Hasil yang tidak membuahkan hasil.</div><div>Hasil yang tidak sesuai ekspektasi.</div><div>Dengan nama yang selalu berdering,</div><div>Membuat hatiku selalu sakit dan kepalaku pusing. </div><div><br></div><div>Dan kamu pun merasa bahwa tidak ada yang salah. Kamu selalu merasa benar.</div><div>Dengan pendirianmu, perspektifmu, omonganmu. Selalu merasa bahwa itu tidak menyakiti siapapun.</div><div>Tidak, itu menyakiti diriku.</div><div>Aku berharap dan masih berharap kamu bisa melihat dari sisi lain akibat dari aksimu.</div><div>Kamu meminta maaf dan tidak akan mengulanginya.</div><div>Kamu akan membuat semuanya menjadi baik-baik saja dan akan membuatku menjadi baik-baik saja.</div><div><i>Tell me you will make all of this alright.</i></div><div><br></div><div>Sungguh, aku cemburu Mas.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-31892378961251878402021-11-04T11:08:00.000-07:002021-11-04T18:44:00.727-07:00Anxious Attachment Issue<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://149405263.v2.pressablecdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Anxious-Preoccupied-Attachment-in-Adults-1024x1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://149405263.v2.pressablecdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Anxious-Preoccupied-Attachment-in-Adults-1024x1024.jpg" width="400"></a></div><br><p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">I am bad,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">I am worse,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">I am ugly when it comes to rejection and abandonment. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">I am trying my best but i still can't handle how to not eat myself out and let my anxious state get the best out of me. It's been real difference the more older i get, the more i forget and the more i get anxious. I thought this stop like a year ago when i really get a bad anxious and panic attack for 2 month straight. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">What is Anxious Attachment?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">Therapist said.. when someone has a l</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #212c4f; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;">ow self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships. It's normal to feel appreciate, valued, and feel the attention but people with anxious attachment want more than normal. It's like normal people only need 6 and people with anxious attachment need 12. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #212c4f; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #212c4f; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;">They said this issue comes from childhood, because of abandonment during early childhood. But i don't feel that way. My parents and i we're perfectly fine, they are very intuitive and caring for me, they're not abandoning me... Or that's just what i felt?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #212c4f; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #212c4f; font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white;">When someone said i react badly to rejection i always said no, because i didn't feel like that. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #212c4f; font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white;">But then again when i reflect again... i do.. react badly to rejection. It's either 2 things: blaming myself for it or hating myself then make others pity for me. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #212c4f; font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white;">Until now, i still can't 100% sure how to make my anxious chill a bit at least for 90% of it. Nobody has never taken serious of this issue that i got, and i got nobody to understand me.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #212c4f; font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #212c4f; font-family: times;">The only person who understand and can take care of it, already away from my life.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #212c4f; font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white;">Or i'm forcing him to left me, depends on what side of the story you're looking. Lol.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #212c4f; font-family: times;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br></span></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://cdn-biiph.nitrocdn.com/UZREvxxQGAxeXhcoPyzyCLtvaevIaCgD/assets/static/optimized/rev-30de9bc/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/How-to-Help-a-Partner-with-Anxious-Attachment.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://cdn-biiph.nitrocdn.com/UZREvxxQGAxeXhcoPyzyCLtvaevIaCgD/assets/static/optimized/rev-30de9bc/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/How-to-Help-a-Partner-with-Anxious-Attachment.png" width="400"></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table><br>Always feeling i'm not good enough...<p></p><p>Very clingy (you can try ask that to my boyfriend)</p><p>Very sensitive</p><p>Insecure</p><p>Always worrying...</p><p>and Always <b>ALWAYS</b> Overthinks.</p><p>Overthinks kills me. It brings the acid in my stomach to the throat and then i can't eat, i don't feel like i want to eat and then my stomach just yells because i need to eat but i can't. Stress really do shit to your body. Because when i'm stress, it causes my hormones and my stomach to react and i can't eat cuz i got no appetite and my food can't be digest well.</p><p>As an individual, i'm a very loving and sensitive person. When i love someone i gave them my world. Even when something or some of the words they puncture to me hurts me so bad but the thoughts of being left by them hurts more. So i choose them instead of myself... </p><p>When you get loved by an anxious attachment person (or this is just me) you are lucky. Cuz they will bring all the love and support for you. They will do and mold into whatever you like, if you prefer a cute girl, they will be like that. They are a passionate lover, clingy, very intuitive and always trying to make things better. But then again... they are hard to love, sometimes hard to understand, you can't get a time off personally sometimes because they will need your attention 24/7 and when you don't get them or forgot they will ask what's wrong with them and they start blaming on themselves just because you can't get them an attention.</p><p>They will literally torture themselves mentally until they can get it right, until you won't be mad at them. Even if they hurt their ego, even if they hurt themselves, but the fear of abandonment is too strong they pick to do that.</p><p><i>The pain and the cure comes from you.</i></p><p>I.. really can't depend on anyone.</p><p>Because of this issue, i always need to depend on someone, someone i love and care. But then again i can't break my self up and torture myself because you can't really depend 100% on someone. In the end of the day, the only person who you got is yourself. </p><p>But now, i still can't do that. To find an antidote, a subtitute, so when i need it i don't have to search it. </p><p>But how...</p><p>A session on with a <span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><span style="font-family: times;">psychologists </span></span>again?</p><p><br> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61wTjLRIWWL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="519" height="320" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61wTjLRIWWL.jpg" width="208"></a></div><br>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-19455325985259739272021-11-02T08:25:00.003-07:002021-11-02T08:25:30.679-07:00Happiest Day of My Life<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ateISZbhGzQ/YYEL10ya6_I/AAAAAAAAZ9U/Wh-EfBPUJKY8CqnRp5Ub9UfB3QHs0fkJQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/IMG-20181012-WA0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ateISZbhGzQ/YYEL10ya6_I/AAAAAAAAZ9U/Wh-EfBPUJKY8CqnRp5Ub9UfB3QHs0fkJQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG-20181012-WA0001.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Inspired by The Netflix Series titled Maid on episode 8 where they have therapy session and each of the characters need to tell their happiest day. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Well i wanna tell you mine.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">My happiest day are back from October 2018 where i am representing Indonesia at Nanying International Folklore Dance festival. It was my first time traveling outside the country, my first time traveling with plane without my parents, and my first time dancing representing for my country in a festival. It was a first time full with blessing and happiness. I can't stop saying gratitude and thanking my God for this opportunity because this is.. after all.. my dream. My childhood dream that i've been longing to have, traditional dancing and representing my country at international dance festival. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">I still remember all the places, details vividly. I even still remember how my heartbeat so fast when i enter that airplane. I was airsick for sure, 9 hours ride wasn't easy but it was worth it. Accompany by my fellow dance crew who help me a lot during the event, i am very blessed. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Practicing the dance for 6 month, once a week become twice a week become three times a week. I never feel tired even though i have to go back from South Jakarta to Central Jakarta at night. The only time i ever complain was when we didn't practice enough and i want to practice more. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Money? That was the least on my mind. I wanted to dance so badly, i miss it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--VRfcXqRf8U/YYFXVIgMPAI/AAAAAAAAZ-Q/_sZ1poRgS-EFuuJBUj2vCiEIUY14VGTKACLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/IMG-20181004-WA0016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--VRfcXqRf8U/YYFXVIgMPAI/AAAAAAAAZ-Q/_sZ1poRgS-EFuuJBUj2vCiEIUY14VGTKACLcBGAsYHQ/w640-h480/IMG-20181004-WA0016.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MWsiseY1_QE/YYFXVHE4LqI/AAAAAAAAZ-M/d7iQi2E3c2sTjPZ5sw8m4EhsQ8-bERbgACLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/IMG-20181016-WA0049.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="1280" height="312" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MWsiseY1_QE/YYFXVHE4LqI/AAAAAAAAZ-M/d7iQi2E3c2sTjPZ5sw8m4EhsQ8-bERbgACLcBGAsYHQ/w640-h312/IMG-20181016-WA0049.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--zCS_ZqzsZ8/YYFXVL2Pb1I/AAAAAAAAZ-I/2ZvBdfb-6XgE-p9_5MXJB9jfTPTtMZ6fwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1032/IMG-20181016-WA0050.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="502" data-original-width="1032" height="312" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--zCS_ZqzsZ8/YYFXVL2Pb1I/AAAAAAAAZ-I/2ZvBdfb-6XgE-p9_5MXJB9jfTPTtMZ6fwCLcBGAsYHQ/w640-h312/IMG-20181016-WA0050.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YTtiDwZd980/YYFXWHXTkKI/AAAAAAAAZ-Y/B57RLTrsJL0r8LKb-pS4X4qIT1chFHDFgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/IMG-20181016-WA0053.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="1280" height="312" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YTtiDwZd980/YYFXWHXTkKI/AAAAAAAAZ-Y/B57RLTrsJL0r8LKb-pS4X4qIT1chFHDFgCLcBGAsYHQ/w640-h312/IMG-20181016-WA0053.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hczBinTXcZ0/YYFXWVwPW7I/AAAAAAAAZ-c/MLt_J3i0ieMEOsappPtNIs6iubMal7v1ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/IMG-20181016-WA0054.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="1280" height="195" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hczBinTXcZ0/YYFXWVwPW7I/AAAAAAAAZ-c/MLt_J3i0ieMEOsappPtNIs6iubMal7v1ACLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h195/IMG-20181016-WA0054.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">And it wasn't just a dance thing, not just perfoming. But we get to meet people and other dancer all over the world, meeting Taiwanese people, and even some of their schools. It's like a school trip. A fun Taiwan school trip filled with bubble tea. Which, i love.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">About 14 days in Taiwan... and on the 12 days i receive a really amazing and fantastic news... It's like God has given me the greatest gift of all time. I got a message saying i won the Ichiban Sushi Video Japan Contest and i'm going to Japan this December. Taiwan and Japan in one year?! All FREE?!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">2018 was and will be my most amazing and the best year of my life. It's my happiest day ever.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-58869079632977211482021-11-02T02:48:00.002-07:002021-11-02T02:48:49.435-07:00Lost a spark<p><i> "Tell me when you don't feel joy doing the things you used to love, because that's a sign"</i></p><p>That's what my therapist said. As she said that, it finally cross to my mind and i finally realize something that i do before that now i don't. I feel joy, i feel passionate to do but now the fire has less flame than ever. I remember that i use to love learning about stuff, i love keeping myself busy. Doing any business, doing any learning to make myself useful and smarter. Even when i don't have anything to do, i try to keep myself busy like learning korean, editing my YouTube videos, learning Digital marketing, painting, or reading a books. I scheduled my plan daily and it has to be exactly as it plans so i feel like i do a productive thing today. </p><p>But now i feel like i lost that spark.</p><p>I lost that sense of myself.</p><p>The one who used to be so busy to herself, thriving to become successful, thriving to become an amazing independent woman, who used to be so ambitious and full of ideas. </p><p>Here i am now, waking up at 10 am, checking on emails to see if i got any upcoming job interviews, and then sitting there trying to figure out what am i going to do besides streaming netflix and playing mobile legend all day. Nothing makes me feel excited, i'm just... numb.</p><p>I need something, someone, or some motivation to bring back my old self. </p><p>My ambitious, creative, hardworking woman i used to be. Carrying a head full of dreams, heart full of ideas, bag full of productivity and a whole lot of confident. </p><p>I know there's a term called "burnt out" but i hate the fact that i've been burning out since 1 year ago. I should get back to my feet. Especially in this time where i really need myself to push myself harder so i could make more money. I got the ideas in my head, but my heart doubts it, and my feet won't walk.</p><p>I question myself... when did i start becoming like this and what makes me like this...</p><p>Is it the pandemic? Is it because i am home all the time? Is it because i have less work than i used to before?</p><p>I haven't got the answer but i'm willing to figure it out,<br />and i will tell you guys when i got one.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-63175987662003372021-09-09T11:46:00.001-07:002021-09-09T11:46:25.209-07:00Lost Star 4Assalamu'alaikum <b>Lost Star.</b><div><br></div><div>Bagaimana kabarnya disana? Semoga lagi bersenang-senang disana ya bersama para bidadari dan dayang-dayangnya... </div><div><br></div><div>Seperti biasa... aku ingin mengomel.. semoga kamu masih tahan dan mau mendengar omelan aku. Karena yang aku butuhkan hanya untuk didengar dan yang ada untukku.</div><div>Bulan Agustus kemarin dan sekarang sungguh melelahkan... aku sedang stress berat dengan permasalahan dari berbagai faktor... perkuliahan, pekerjaan, percintaan, dan diriku sendiri. Aku menganggapnya hal yang normal tetapi lama kelamaan sangat berat sampai aku malas untuk ngapa ngapain. Tidak ada api membara di hatiku, tidak ada semangat di ragaku, semuanya runtuh seketika... menghilangkan minatku terhadap apapun. Aku sedang bukan diriku. Disaat penyakit ku satu-satu mulai kambuh.., panic attackku juga muncul dan aku mulai menyakiti diriku sendiri aku yakin aku harus mencari pertolongan. Akhirnya ku berbicara dengan psikolog. Semoga aku bisa menjadi lebih baik lagi, terus do'akan aku dari atas ya!</div><div><br></div><div>Oh iya! Aku lupa bercerita denganmu. Aku balikan lagi dengan Handi. Hahaha iyaya setelah 2-3 tahun kita akhirnya kita balik lagi. Entah ini rencana Allah SWT yang mana lagi.. menyatukan kami lagi haha, udah mana aku yang duluan deketin lagi hahaha. Cewek pemberani... lebih tepatnya gak tau malu sih haha. Tapi ya mending pemberani daripada dipendem kode kodean mulu ya gak vi? Aku nitip pertanyaan buat Allah SWT lewat kamu boleh? Boleh tolong tanyakan apakah Handi itu jodoh aku? Atau gini aja deh " Siapa jodoh Anjani" aku pengen tau banget !!!!</div><div><br></div><div>Hari ini pengunguman nilai wisuda ku. Nilai IPK ku. Hari ini aku gugup tapi juga lega. Akhirnya semuanya kelar dan selesai juga. Gak ada revisi lagi, gak ada skripsi lagi. Satu masalah kelar. 3 lagi belum. Alhamdulillah.. aku bersyukur saja dulu... setidaknya mamaku tidak harus mengeluarkan duit terus untuk bayar kuliahku yang mahal.</div><div><br></div><div>Sekarang zaman sudah berubah banget dari yang terakhir kamu tinggali vi. SUNGGUH. Pesat sekali in a blink of an eye. Dan aku yakin banget kamu pasti bakal cringe sama tiktok. HAHAHAHAHA THAT IS SO VI. kamu banget itu. Pasti kamu bakal ngomong "apan si orang cuma joget joget doang terkenal. Gue juga bisa kali" lalu ngerocos tentang charli d amelio atau addison rae. Sekarang tuh kalo mau jadi artis gampang vi. Gue harusnya bisa dari dulu kali ya. Kamu pasti juga bakal suka sama Elon Musk dan lagi ngutak ngatik cryptocurrency. Jadi trader bitcoin maybe? Idk vi. I'm sorry if this is too much. Kadang aku suka mikirin dan bermimpi aja kalo misalnya kamu masih hidup kamu sekarang sedang ngapain...</div><div><br></div><div>Setiap aku lewat jl.cikini aku masih bingung... Kok bisa... kok bisa... kok bisa... sepertinya mustahil gitu. Atau setidanya bisa dicegah. Cuma... jika Tuhan berkata lain... Man Jadda Wa Jadda... pasti akan dilakukan. Setiap lewat RSCM.. semua kenangan itu tiba-tiba merasuki pikiranku. Flashback dimana-mana dan itu sangat menyakitkan.</div><div><br></div><div>Sudah dulu ya ceritanya. Aku ngantuk banget udah jam 2 disini. Terima kasih sekali ya sudah menemani dan mendengarkan. Aku senang ada yang mendengarkan. Mari kita tidur. Nanti tanggal 2 Oktober aku cerita lagi ya, langsung ke rumah baru kamu. <b>Oke? Oke.</b></div>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-46683193159721715682021-08-02T10:00:00.013-07:002021-08-05T03:38:32.893-07:00Unfinished Typing...<p><i><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: x-small;"><b>Anjani is typing...</b></span></i></p><p><br /></p><p>Aku mau kamu cepat sembuh, aku hanya bisa menunggu</p><p>Aku mau bertemu, aku hanya bisa menunggu</p><p>Aku mau semuanya kembali seperti saat yang baik- baik saja, aku hanya bisa menunggu</p><p>Aku mau kamu jemput aku, aku hanya bisa menunggu</p><p>Aku mau kita makan makan enak lagi, aku hanya bisa menunggu</p><p>Aku mau kamu ga benci sama aku lagi, aku hanya bisa menunggu.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sekali lagi menunggu.</p><p>Dan sejujurnya aku bukan orang yang sabaran. Menunggu itu menyakitkan, dan tidak ingin ku lakukan tetapi demi orang yang ku sayang aku lakukan.</p><p><br /></p><p>Aku mengerti kamu sedang stress, marah, kecewa, apalagi kamu baru saja sembuh. Sangat mengerti, <i>i wanna be there for you.</i> Aku selalu mencoba untuk menjaga kamu, support kamu sebisa aku, mengirimkan kamu makanan, buah, apapun yang aku bisa untuk membuat kamu cepet sembuh, aku terus dukung kamu, aku terus mencoba memotivasi kamu, memberikan kamu kasih sayang yang kamu butuh dan inginkan.</p><p><br /></p><p>Kamu butuh space, okay.</p><p>Kamu gak suka di spam, okay aku coba.</p><p>Kamu mau ga diganggu, okay.</p><p>Kamu gak suka diganggu sama aku, okay aku kasih.</p><p>Kamu lama bales, yasudah aku hanya bisa pasrah dan menunggu. </p><p><br /></p><p>Aku tau kamu pasti selalu pegang hp.</p><p>Tapi jika kamu lebih suka entertainment yang lain, let me know then. Saat kamu gabutuh aku lagi buat nemenin kamu. Biar aku ga nungguin kamu terus. Mantengin hp berharap kamu balas.</p><p><br /></p><p>Karena aku merasa kamu cuma ya nyari aku kalo entertainment lainnya sudah bosan. Atau kalau kamu baru butuh untuk berinteraksi/berkomunikasi. Ibaratnya aku ya pilihan ke 2, ketiga atau bahkan keempat.</p><p><br /></p><p>Tetapi mas... tahukah kamu kadang hal yang menurut kamu kecil itu bisa melukai hati seseorang. Apalagi jika dia tidak merasa diapresiasi. Saat dibutuhkan, malah tidak ada.</p><p><br /></p><p>It's always "Bagaimana kamu mas? Kondisi kamu gimana skrg?"</p><p>But rarely "Kamu hr ini gmn bae? Udah mendingan?"</p><p><br /></p><p><i>Even when i was at my worst down on my knees you don't even ask me if my knees are hurt, if i'm hurt or not. What you can do to make it all better.</i></p><p>Gak peduli waktu,</p><p>Gak peduli keadaan,</p><p>Gak peduli harusnya sedang ada hal penting atau tidak,</p><p><i><b>Your needs need to be put first.</b></i></p><p><br /></p><p><i>I want to be happy </i></p><p><i>I want to make you happy</i></p><p><i>But i'm drained</i></p><p><i>When you support someone so hard but don't get the credit, respect or love you should get. It drains you.</i></p><p><br /></p><p>Saat kamu bahagia, aku bahagia juga</p><p>Saat kamu sedih, aku sedih juga</p><p>Saat kamu kecewa, aku kecewa juga</p><p>Saat kamu marah, aku jadi ikutan marah dan sedih</p><p>Saat kamu sakit, aku khawatir banget</p><p>Dan saat kamu benci sama aku, aku juga jadi <b>membenci diriku sendiri.</b></p><p>Bahkan aku sedang sakit saja itu membuatmu kesal. </p><p>Aku sedang tidak enak badan itu membuatmu benci denganku.</p><p>Aku bingung.</p><p>Apakah aku harus meminta maaf karena aku sakit?</p><p><br /></p><p>Sekarang... setiap malam aku selalu merenung sebelum tidur memikirkan bagaimana agar tidak mengecewakan kamu, agar aku ga salah terus, agar kamu ga kesel sama aku, agar aku ga salah tingkah. Karena apapun yang aku lakukan, aku selalu salah. Aku adalah moodbreaker kamu. Selalu.</p><p>Walaupun kamu selalu bilang "engga, kamu bukan moodbreaker aku".</p><p>Aksi kamu berkata lain.</p><p>Ego kamu berkata lain.</p><p><br /></p><p>Aku mencoba dengan keras untuk menjadi moodboster kamu terus tapi malah aku menjadi sebaliknya. Dan aku membenci diriku untuk itu.</p><p><br /></p><p>Mungkin cara mencintai ku salah. Mungkin kamu merasa dikekang, mungkin kamu merasa selalu diceramahi.</p><p>Karena aku sampai sekarang masih bingung bagian mana yang selalu membuat kau kesal. Bagian peduli atau sayang mana yang aku berikan kepada kamu yang kamu benci?</p><p><br /></p><p>Ada hal yang sudah berkali-kali dibicarakan dan kukira sudah selesai. Ternyata balik lagi dilakukan.</p><p>Aku, dan mungkin sebagian besar orang, sudah tau ada hal yang tidak disukai apalagi dari orang yang disayang (dan ku harap mas masih sayang sama aku...) pasti akan dihindari dan tidak dilakukan. Aku juga akan intropektasi diriku sendiri disaat orang yang ku sayang bilang bahwa ia tidak suka sikap ini, atau hal ini dan ku memikirkan di posisinya. </p><p><br /></p><p>"Oh mungkin benar, dia merasa seperti ini... aku membuatnya seperti ini.. jadi aku sepertinya tidak bisa mengulanginya"</p><p><br /></p><p>"Oh sepertinya aku terlalu keras, aku harus memakai pendekatan yang berbeda."</p><p><br /></p><p>Kamu mas, selalu menjadi orang berbeda di chat dan saat bertemu langsung. Makanya aku suka ngemis ngemis, minta-minta untuk ketemu langsung karena aku lebih suka handi yang langsung ketemu. Dia lebih lembut, lebih tidak sepemarah dan lebih perhatian. Masalah lebih cepat kelar, kamu juga sepertinya jadi lebih mengerti aku dan jika kamh stress kamu jadi lebih bisa me-release stress kamu saat ada aku. Disaat ada kesempatan, aku selalu mencoba dan memaksakan untuk bertemu sama kamu. Disaat sebelum kerja, disela-sela waktu, di saat lagi melakukan keperluan. Walaupun mungkin kamu terdengar seperti sudah muak denganku yang selalu meminta bertemu.</p><p><br /></p><p>Kamu mungkin membaca ini merasa bahwa aku yang salah atau aku terlalu lebay. Tetapi balik lagi, ini pemikiranku. Ini blog aku. Ini diary aku. Aku bisa jujur disini. Kalau sekarang aku perlahan jadi takut untuk jujur sama kamu, karena setiap aku jujur kamu selalu marah atau ngambek sama aku. Aku disini ingin jujur. Karena hubungan yang jujur itu baik dan perlu. </p><p><br /></p><p>Dari sekian saran yang ku selalu berikan kepadamu. Ada saran yang aku ingin kau pegang erat-erat. Jangan langsung melihat masalah dari pikiran dan mata kamu saja, tetapi juga dari pikiran dan mata orang lain juga. Singkirkan ego dan pikirkan keadaan yang lain.</p><p><br /></p><p>Atau mungkin perlu ku telitikan lagi.</p><p>Yang lain adalah aku.</p><p><br /></p><p>Karena aku bingung.</p><p>Sangat bingung.</p><p>Ajarkanlah aku bagaimana untuk menyayangi mu.</p><p>Bicaralah.</p><p>Karena bahkan pada saat aku sakit, aku dipaling bawah dari yang bawah mentalku saja kau masih bisa membuatnya menjadi kesalahanku.</p><p>Aku sekarang takut ngapa-ngapain.</p><p>Takut berkata jujur.</p><p>Takut bertindak seperti biasanya.</p><p>Karena ya semuanya sepertinya membuatmu kesal dan benci kepadaku.</p><p>Lebih baik aku menunggu kamu saja, menunggu chat duluan, mengikuti kamu saja. </p><p>Lebih baik aku pasrah.</p><p>Karena aku lelah.</p><p>Aku takut salah omong, salah chat, salah tingkah, aku takut. </p><p>Aku sudah tidak tau harus bagaimana lagi.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><i><b><span style="color: red; font-size: x-small;">*deleted*</span></b></i></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-18584919107142260002021-07-21T12:32:00.001-07:002021-07-21T12:32:12.971-07:00YaAllah<p><i> YaAllah forgive me for i have not been able the good muslimah i wanted, pray, and hope to be. But please never doubt me or give up on me ever.</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p>I don't know but something about 1 am prayer and du'a that makes me so emotional. So touched and really feel like God speak to me. Sometimes words are hard to say and swallow but without even saying it, i feel like Allah SWT has understand me, listen to me... and i felt the connection.</p><p>I keep on apologizing apologizing apologizing for what i have done that might not be the best... <br />keep being grateful and give thanks for everything he did, he reminds, and he see<br />keep on shouting His name to my prayer...</p><p>It was a spiritual journey</p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-85367157682373929802021-07-15T03:23:00.009-07:002021-08-05T03:25:04.756-07:00A Smile on the sunrise<p>Could i actually be happy?</p><p>No, the question is... could someone except my parent, can make me happy for the rest of my life?</p><p>My parents had done all their life. Their job was to keep me safe, sound, and loved. They did it. But could someone replace them?</p><p><br /></p><p>I was foolish, i was stupid... i was in love.</p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382312928927581629.post-84312708055007098252021-06-15T10:06:00.003-07:002021-06-15T10:06:46.918-07:00Menuju Sarjana <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JMiXLqmYnc0/YMi5tsIxtJI/AAAAAAAAZus/NrcFDOUWjm0nTQ9YASz5vex968VdTCZQACLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/Screen%2BShot%2B2021-06-15%2Bat%2B9.59.16%2BAM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1280" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JMiXLqmYnc0/YMi5tsIxtJI/AAAAAAAAZus/NrcFDOUWjm0nTQ9YASz5vex968VdTCZQACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2021-06-15%2Bat%2B9.59.16%2BAM.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Hari ini, 15 Juni 2021 jam 10.01 pagi akhirnya aku memulai <i>script conference</i> atau yang biasa dibilang mahasiswa lain sempro/ sidang awal. Pada dasarnya <i>script conference </i> itu sidang dimana kami menjelaskan tentang ide film kami alurnya, dan judul skripsi kami. Lalu diberi saran, <i>feedback</i>, dan suges yang mungkin agak menyulitkan dengan nada yang tegas. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sidang yang membuat aku overthink dan pusing selama berhari-hari semenjak di beri tau jadwalnya. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Mual, pusing, Perasaan tidak ingin makan, dan mau muntah sampai turun 3 kg karena stress. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Akhirnya terbalaskan hari ini. Alhamdulillah pengujinya memberi feedback yang membantu untuk membuat skripsinya, juga mereka mengatakannya dengan sopan dan lembut sehingga mengurangi kepanikanku.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Satu anak tangga sudah aku langkahi lagi. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Soon, Sidang Akhir.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Tetapi sebelum itu.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Mari main The Sims 2 dan tidak memikirkannya dahulu.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-93njIo91vKo/YMi5uIvWIdI/AAAAAAAAZuw/24qyrw3gpvwcHPytQkAwVzmaZNN2BW3rgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/Screen%2BShot%2B2021-06-15%2Bat%2B10.03.01%2BAM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1280" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-93njIo91vKo/YMi5uIvWIdI/AAAAAAAAZuw/24qyrw3gpvwcHPytQkAwVzmaZNN2BW3rgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2021-06-15%2Bat%2B10.03.01%2BAM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>Nadhira Anjanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04467704792913611852noreply@blogger.com0