"Tell me when you don't feel joy doing the things you used to love, because that's a sign"
That's what my therapist said. As she said that, it finally cross to my mind and i finally realize something that i do before that now i don't. I feel joy, i feel passionate to do but now the fire has less flame than ever. I remember that i use to love learning about stuff, i love keeping myself busy. Doing any business, doing any learning to make myself useful and smarter. Even when i don't have anything to do, i try to keep myself busy like learning korean, editing my YouTube videos, learning Digital marketing, painting, or reading a books. I scheduled my plan daily and it has to be exactly as it plans so i feel like i do a productive thing today.
But now i feel like i lost that spark.
I lost that sense of myself.
The one who used to be so busy to herself, thriving to become successful, thriving to become an amazing independent woman, who used to be so ambitious and full of ideas.
Here i am now, waking up at 10 am, checking on emails to see if i got any upcoming job interviews, and then sitting there trying to figure out what am i going to do besides streaming netflix and playing mobile legend all day. Nothing makes me feel excited, i'm just... numb.
I need something, someone, or some motivation to bring back my old self.
My ambitious, creative, hardworking woman i used to be. Carrying a head full of dreams, heart full of ideas, bag full of productivity and a whole lot of confident.
I know there's a term called "burnt out" but i hate the fact that i've been burning out since 1 year ago. I should get back to my feet. Especially in this time where i really need myself to push myself harder so i could make more money. I got the ideas in my head, but my heart doubts it, and my feet won't walk.
I question myself... when did i start becoming like this and what makes me like this...
Is it the pandemic? Is it because i am home all the time? Is it because i have less work than i used to before?
I haven't got the answer but i'm willing to figure it out,
and i will tell you guys when i got one.
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