To All The Boys Who Loved Me

Dear A,

Thank you for all of the years you had love me silently, support me silently and even defending me silently. I know it's hard for you to be in an unrequited love, a one sided feeling and i'm sorry that i just know at the end. Even tho i can't reply to your feelings but i really am grateful to be the one you support, give love, and (me) subconsciously motivates you to become a better person. To be your first love during middle school probably a big thing for you also and i'm really grateful for that. The time when you accept it wholeheartedly when i refuse your "girlfriend" question, you are still being very respectful about it and it's something i admire about you. 

For those 2 years, thank you for the bottom of my heart and i'm also sorry that i couldn't give the same feeling. I wish you nothing but the best and pray for you to have a woman that could give you the love you deserve. 

Dear A,

Thank you for the Clean Bandit songs recommendations! Tbh, i forgot how it all happened and how we got into a relationship but it was definitely chaos. Glad we both surpassed it and move on pretty well from it. But i'm grateful that we had been close once, share stories, and share common music together. Our only similarity is probably our music taste ahahaha. I wish you nothing but joyful and smooth life with your girlfriend also. 

Dear B,

Thank you for your constant effort on helping me find jobs, adore me, compliments me to the point of worshiping me. I've said it before and i will said it again, "You are everything that i want in a guy, literal check list of it, but i guess we are just not meant to be together". I love how even though i push you away and doubt you but you never give up and still try to win my heart (i guess that works, hahaha). I love how you constantly make time for me in the midst of your busy shooting schedule. I love how you always put me above anyone else, making me the number one priority in your life. Always bragging about me to your closest friend and families even to the point where your mom thanks me because i brought a light to your life. 

I am happy to be able to be in your life even though for only a while. I am grateful to be able to be loved by you and to loved you. 

You definitely help few years of my studies better and i'm infinitely grateful for that. You support me to the fullest to reach my potential, giving me strength and motivation, the chivalry man who pays for everything and he don't mind about it.. I wish you nothing but support for your new career path, your new degree and your growth. 

Dear D,

Thank you for being my support system throughout middle school. Our relationship was the first serious relationship i had even tho i was still just a baby back then. I don't know what love and caring means but i guess i first learn it with you together. It was not easy, it was not the best one, but it's definitely hilarious to think about it too. I was happy with you back then, we had a healthy relationship even tho we are still learning on what "relationship" even means. I am thankful that you always had time for me and understand my consequences. I wish you a good luck for your coffee shop business and life. 

Dear D, 

Thank you for the songs you've made for me. You surprise me. That's all i can say when i found out you had a longtime crush on me and finally confess in front of the class with a poem you written for me. A poem that supposed to be just a task for a Bahasa Indonesia subject turns to be one of the most well known confession poem throughout our middle school generation. I am flattered for being your crush, cuz with your quiet personality i would never thought about it. But you prove it like a gentleman and even being so respectful about it too. 

I'm sorry if i ever hurt you back then, i'm still a child also, but you are a really great guy and now you turn as one. The one where he stood up for the nation and helps people in need at the village. I still have your own written songs now haha! You have a really great voice and a good guitar skills, hopefully you can perform with it. I wish you a great clean career path and a good relationship with your girlfriend. 

Dear H, 

Thank you for being my first love. Thank you for the constant love you give, you teach me how to love and how i should be love. Our relationship was far from perfect but after all those years we make it work... until it has to end. This post would be very long if i describe every little thing i am thankful of you but if i can make it short.. 

I'm grateful for the constant support for you during my "entrepreneur" era, where i first open my business you are my first customer and the only loyal customer i have. You celebrate it, buy it often, give good thumbs up review and thats how you show you support and i am forever grateful by your actions.

I'm grateful for the 11 hours solo motorcycle ride just to see me work in a different city. I cannot even measure how immense the love you have for me back then ahahaha to do something so big and stupid because of love is literally the meaning of bulol. You show me through actions just because you miss me.

I'm grateful to my number one fan. Yes, it's you. The guy that can be a bit possessive at times, jealous, but will support you silently with his own way and one of the actions you take was putting my social media on notifications so you always be the first person to like and commented in all of my social media including my business social media. Add on, giving me the best and most thoughtful creative gift i could ever receive.

I wish you a great clean career with all your goals and plan aligns. Don't forget all the promise about your goals that you've said, i will be here watching for your constant grow to become a full man. 

Dear K,

Thank you for saying everything that i wish to hear. Oh and also may i add, thank you for making a web-series about us hahaha. You had top everyone gift by giving me a series about us with the character name also same as myself. Even though it does not capture everything that happen but i'm grateful either way to be able to watch it from your perspective. Your confession is also one of the thing that i was taken aback for. We've been close friend ever since the first semester and i never saw you other than a good goofy sometimes narcissistic friend who are so creative and now this moving and growing future Indonesia Director. I always knew you would be big, i know that you're gonna do very well in this line of world that i slowly fade from.

Thank you also for being the first person who trust me with a work project and the one i can always depend on. I'm sorry that after all these years i've hurt you a lot with me knowing or subconsciously hurting you. My feelings can't never lie but i always view you as a creative hard working person. You appreciate me in a way that you are the first person to say things that i've been praying everyone would say to me... and after all this time i finally got it. When you say it, i cry... while thinking to myself "finally... finally someone said this.. finally i get appreciated for it." and i never forgot until now.

I wish you a great successful no drama career path, but probably please lower your ego also hahaha.

Dear R,

Thank you for being my best friend and meme partner. Hey lost star, how are you up there? I'm sorry that i just know about the deep feeling you have for me at the last time. I am so grateful for all the times we've had, the conversations we talk, and all the funniest meme and post we shared. I'm thankful to be able to call you my best friend. I'm also thankful that you love and cherish me in silent even already made plans for the upcoming future. I will never forget you, you will always be by my side. 

I wish you in heaven now and please pray for me also that i will go to Jannah along with my family. I love you to the stars aligned.

Dear T,

Thank you for your trying to love me. We both agree that we are each other source of rejeki haha. Because every time we meet up i will have a new project and yours too in a short period of time. Idk how that happen, but that is where our relationship are based on. Even though it's not a happy ending but thank you for trying to love me and turning on the light of love that i have been missing for years. It was a good running years with everything that had happened i'm still grateful eitherway.

I wish you and your new family a good life and luck, also to make your own creative agency more successful.

Dear Y,

Thank you for loving me through crafted and lovely words. We just started being friends online at a common interest where it seems that you have move and gain your interest in me. You always know what to say to me and i am very thankful for that. You have a way of words to motivates me, give me reassurance and always support me no matter what during my time of grow and improvement and i hope it could give you the motivation for you to strive for better in your life also. Sorry that i couldn't give you the same love or interest the way that you are with me.

But i wish you nothing but good in your life, get a new prospective career path, along with your bachelor graduation.